The Vulkings are the bad guys; a malignant force bent on domination and the systematic obliteration of anyone who bars their way. Kinda like Starbucks. Arair is a rebel magician who fights the Vulkings with a small, pathetic resistance which seems doomed to fail at any moment. Kinda like Second Cup. Rapine and grammary ensue, not to mention numerous incidents of skullduggery, calumny, opprobrium, malaxation, squadrism, wanion and pasquinade. There’s even some tachydidaxy thrown in for good measure. The moral of the story is that life is often sad, bitter and unwelcoming. Like Timothy’s. 

On a scale of things with one horn ranging from the rhino to the narwhal, this book is: the 2004 Toyota Matrix.

Magicians were gayer-looking in those days.

This book is about two shape-shifting blobs that visit Earth to invade the bodies and minds of humans. Can you guess where said blobs come from? Give up? You’re gonna kick yourself when you hear the answer, because it’s right in the title of the book. They come from outer space. And ‘boom’ goes your mind.

On a scale of things from outer space ranging from outer space monsters to outer space invaders, this book is: Plan 8 ½ From Outer Space.

Sorry, I wasn't listening. From where?