A man from the far distant future arrives in the present with a clock implanted in his brain. This cray-cray cranium allows him to be controlled and manipulated simply by tinkering with his cerebral dials and gears. Cool story, but the premise is far fetched: can you imagine being physically connected to a piece of technology that monitors and controls your behavior? On an unrelated note, the new iPhone comes out next week (take that, Steve Jobs, if you weren’t already dead!)

On a scale of things that run like clockwork ranging from German trains to a well-thought-out bank heist, this book is: an actual clock.

His favourite Coldplay song is, ironically, ‘Yellow’.

A man is born with a strange power that turns him into a human metal detector. When gold is buried underground, he can sense it. When someone has a coin in their pocket, he can feel it. And when the watershed 1974 metal album Rocka Rolla is played, he can hear it. Unfortunately his metal-sensing mental powers meddle with his mental mettle and he goes crazier than a falanaka in a coffee can (see? I told you I’d use it).

On a scale of senses ranging from smell to touch, this book is: decency. 

Jaeger bomb.


A man travels five hundred thousand years into the future (imagine the frequent flyer miles he’d get!) to an era where telepathic amphibians rule the planet. Amphibians would be terrible leaders – they’re always flip-flopping on the whole ‘live on land or live in the water’ issue. Plus, they store their emails on personal servers, which is the very worst thing a leader anywhere can do – if a leader does this, vote for their opposition, no matter what.

On a scale of worlds below us ranging from Hell to Australia, this book is: Hellstralia.


This book is beneath you.